Just like no one who gets married plans on getting divorced, no one who adopts a dog plans on rehoming them.
Every new dog owner thinks:
“We’ll be together forever”
“We’re going to be best friends”
“You’ll never have to go back to that shelter again”
We want that for you too.
If love and good intentions were enough, every one of those sentences would be true. But the unfortunate truth is that a lot of those dogs will end up back in the shelter within a week.
And it’s not because their new owners were irresponsible evil villains. Reality is more complicated than that.
We’re dog trainers who have been working in and around the animal welfare industry for over a decade. And when we listen to people as they hand the leash to a shelter worker and watch their confused dog being led away, we hear the same stories over and over again.
Different dogs. Different circumstances. Strikingly similar reasons for surrender.
A lot of the time, those surrenders could have been prevented. They happened because no one told these people the truth.
So that’s what this article is about: five mildly uncomfortable truths about what adopting a dog is really like.
If you’re thinking about getting a dog (from a rescue, breeder, or anywhere else) or if you already got a dog and are thinking about returning them, this one’s for you.
We’re not here to guilt-trip you or scare you away from adopting a dog. We’re just here to prevent you from being blindsided. Because that’s the REAL villain in most of these surrender stories.
When people actually understand what they’re signing up for, they’re better equipped to make the right choice for them and ride out the rough patches.
1. You are not rescuing your dog (even if you ARE rescuing your dog)
It feels nice to think of the adoption process as a harrowing tale with us as the heroes, swooping in to save our dog from another lonely night in his shelter kennel.
But that’s our story, not our dog’s.
Yes, even if we literally rescued them from a burning building or plucked them off the euthanasia list hours before they were scheduled to be put down.
Because the dog doesn’t know any of that.
In their story, we’re just another stranger who they have no choice but to follow, in another new place full of rules they don’t understand.
Dogs have almost no control over any aspect of their life. They’re just trying to make the best of a situation they didn’t choose, and using all of their social skills to show deference and affection – because a dog’s social bonds are what keep them alive.
The problem with the fairytale that we tell ourselves is that if we’re the rescuers, it presupposes that our dogs should feel grateful to be saved.
We get the warm-and-fuzzies when our new dog curls up on the couch with us, sleeps on a human bed for the first time, or follows us from room to room. When they’re quiet or extra affectionate in those early days, it’s easy to believe they love us because we rescued them.
But a week later, that same dog is escaping the yard, tearing up the couch, peeing on the carpet, destroying the tv remote, or barking constantly. And we think:
“He’s spoiled”
“He’s demanding what he wants”
“She has no respect for me”
“She’s just using me for treats”
Where did our “grateful” dog go?
Where’s that quiet, polite companion we rescued?
It can feel like we were tricked. Like they were on their best behaviour just long enough to get adopted. Some people even feel misled by the shelter, as though everyone else knew the dog was “like this” and didn’t say anything.
But the real reason the dog seemed so calm at first is much more mundane:
They just weren’t doing much of anything. Because they were scared, unsure, confused, or strung out. It takes them a few days to even begin to process what’s happened to them.
Over the next few weeks, they’ve got a lot of catching up to do: it’s been ages since they’ve had lots of things to chew, or toys (which may or may not be your furniture) to rip apart. They’ve spent the majority of their days recently in a kennel the size of your bathroom, so they want to run, and sniff and explore!
They may be starved for company and want you around constantly. No one ever taught them a recall, or where to go to the bathroom – or maybe someone did, but so many confusing things have happened lately that they can’t remember anymore.
It takes a while for dogs to center themselves again. Most people know that the dog they see on Day One isn’t really who they are – but they may not realise the dog on Day 14 or even Day 30 is still adjusting too.
Everything they knew has changed, probably multiple times. Everyone they knew and loved disappeared. Every safety and security was ripped out from under them the minute they started feeling steady again.
You’re not their saviour. But you can be their friend, if you’re willing to do the work of friendship:
Cut them some slack. Give them time to grieve. Be a safe space for them to process the trauma of being rehomed, and be prepared for the first few weeks to be really bumpy.
See also: 25 Ways to Get Your New Dog to Trust, Love, and Respect You
2. However much time you think owning a dog will take, double it
A lot of new dog owners worry about how much getting a dog will cost. That’s definitely something to consider. But what most people severely underestimate is how much time and energy it takes.
When people adopt, they factor in daily walks, and maybe some potty training or puppy biting. They pile their house with dog toys, fancy leashes, crates, and treats.
What they don’t consider is how much time they’ll spend cleaning up accidents. Or puppy-proofing the house. Or teaching the absolute basics like “come”, “sit”, and “stay” – and then practicing them again and again until the dog can actually do them when it matters.
No one’s really honest with them about how much sleep they’ll miss out on, or how much time they’ll spend watching their dog’s every move to make sure he doesn’t have an accident in the house. They don’t think about how much energy it takes to be constantly interrupted throughout the day to deal with dog things.
You can prepare a schedule with chunks of time set aside daily for exercise, training, playing, and napping, based on age and breed…
Just be ready to set that schedule on fire and play it by ear when your dog comes home and they have opinions of their own.
See also: Puppies Aren’t Just “Hard Work:” What No One Tells You Before You Get a Puppy
3. Rome wasn’t built in a day – and it was bloody hard work
When we decide to bring a dog into our lives, we imagine the adventures we’ll have together, the love we’ll experience, the cute photos we’ll take.
We tend to get a little swept away and forget that there’s a lot of work that goes into fulfilling those dreams: bringing the puppy home is step zero, and we’ve got a lot of ground to cover. Ground that’s often treacherous and full of unexpected potholes.
New owners hear a lot of “it’ll be fine” and “you’ll get used to it”.
“They’re so cute! This’ll be so fun!”
But it probably won’t be fine at first.
The truth is that a new dog, especially a puppy, will not “fit right in” to your life. That ease with which we see dogs and their owners coexisting together was hard won. That neighbour casually throwing a ball for their off-leash dog at the park was once frantically Googling “how to make my puppy stop biting me” for the hundredth time.
We picture the outcome and forget to picture the process.
It takes us by surprise, and scares us into believing we can’t get through it.
See also: Whatever Tomorrow Brings: Important Things to Know Before (and After) You Adopt a Dog
4. Training your new dog is not a DIY project
Humans have lived with dogs for a very long time. A hundred years ago, people didn’t hire a dog trainer when they brought a puppy home. Heck, your parents probably never took your family dog to see a dog trainer!
So it’s understandable that many new owners feel like it can’t be that hard and they should be able to wing it.
The thing is, life was very different a hundred years ago. Life was pretty different for our parents, too.
As a society, we expect a lot more of our dogs than we used to.
(We also know a lot more about dogs, and learning, than we did a hundred years ago)
These days, dogs who were created to herd sheep all day are expected to live in an apartment and not chase the cat. We go to work for 9 hours a day and the dogs who were bred to never leave our side are told to wait quietly in their crate.
We take dogs who may have lived their whole lives as a stray, and expect them to stay contained in a backyard until we have time to entertain them. And dogs who were created to entertain humans in bloodsports are expected to live peacefully with the other animals in the home.
We ask a lot of our dogs, often without fully understanding who they are and exactly how much we’re asking. So we push too far, make mistakes, we communicate poorly.
That’s where trainers come in.
We’ve spent years learning how dogs (your dogs) learn, how they cope, and how to help them adjust – so you don’t have to figure it out the hard way.
5. “Aggressive” behavior is often normal
When we bring a new dog home, they have a lot going on.
They’re kind of in a daze. They don’t know who you are. They don’t know if your other pets are safe. Everything smells weird.
And everyone keeps staring at them.
They may not want to be touched, picked up, hugged, or introduced to the entire extended family.
They may not want to be forced into their crate, or lifted out of the car, or cornered as you reach your hand out for them to sniff. They might not trust you playing with their food to “test” whether they’ll let you.
There are lots of ways in which humans communicate friendship and safety with each other, that are very alarming to a dog. Especially one who doesn’t know us at all. We seek out closeness, eye contact, and displays of trust.
We have the urge to poke and prod at this new relationship because we’re anxious; we’ve just made this big commitment, and we’re looking for reassurance that it wasn’t a horrible mistake.
But our new dog is not in a position to give us that reassurance. In fact, they’re likely hoping to get some reassurance from us that they’re safe and they can relax.
A scared, confused new dog is stressed to within an inch of their limit – and our pushy human communication may be something they simply don’t have the bandwidth for right now.
Growling, snarling, staring, or even snapping are often attempts to avoid conflict, not start one. The dog is saying, as clearly as they can, “This is too much, please stop.”
But for a brand-new owner, that can be terrifying and feel like proof they’ve made a terrible mistake.
Having a trainer who can explain exactly what’s happening (and what to do about it) can make a huge difference in whether that new owner chooses to keep their dog.
Adopting a rescue dog, or bringing home a puppy, can be a tumultuous experience. One of the biggest influences on whether it works out is how prepared people feel for that reality.
Connecting with a dog is as close we get to real-life magic: we’re the only two species in history to have built such a close relationship.
But building that relationship takes work. Sometimes frustrating, sometimes tiring, often confusing work. It asks a lot of us, and a lot of our dogs.
The best thing we can do for ourselves, and the friendship we’re hoping to build, is to take off the rose-tinted glasses. Honestly, we don’t need them anyway – the view from the top is pretty stellar all on its own.
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