Published December 28, 2025
The puppy blues is the part of getting a new dog where everything is terrible and you think you’ve made a huge mistake.
Except we don’t actually call it “the puppy blues” around here. I just used that in the title because that’s what people are googling. It’s a cute term that’s become popular recently.
But it’s the understatement of the century, right?
You’re not feeling a little blue.
You’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed 24/7. You’re feeling guilt, shame, loneliness, and regret.
That’s why we prefer the name we’ve been using for the last decade or so:
The “What The **** Was I Thinking?!” Phase. WTFWIT for short.
If you’re not familiar with WTFWIT yet, here are some links to get you started:
- Thinking of Returning Your New Puppy to the Shelter/Breeder? Please Read This First
- Is Your New Dog Making You Miserable? You’re Not Alone
Now that we’re all caught up, let’s get to the point of today’s post:
For the WTFWIT phase to get better, do you just need to give it time?
Yes.
BUT.
Only if you’re on the right track in the first place. If you’re on the wrong track, giving it time can make everything worse.
Getting a puppy is (sort of) like breaking a bone
Johnny gets into an accident and fractures his foot. He knows it’s going to take time to recover, of course. No getting around that.
He goes to the hospital, where doctors realign the bone and put a cast on it. They give him painkillers and a set of crutches.
Then Johnny goes home.
And he gives it time.
Johnny has a moderately shitty few months where literally everything, from going to the bathroom to taking care of his kids, has suddenly become a lot more complicated. He’s a little depressed.
But gradually, he starts to feel better. He stops needing the painkillers after a week or two. He learns how to get around pretty smoothly on the crutches, getting some freedom back.
He gives it more time.
The cast comes off.
He does some physical therapy. Which is definitely better than the cast, but still sucks a little (this is an analogy for the part where your puppy becoming an annoying teenager). But after that, Johnny lives happily ever after.
Compare that to Tommy.
Tommy gets into an accident and fractures his foot. He throws up his hands and says “well, it’s going to take time to recover. No getting around that.”
So he… gives it time.
He doesn’t go to the doctor. He keeps walking on his broken foot. The pain gets worse every day. His mental state deteriorates every day. Life is miserable, but he keeps on truckin’.
After several long, excruciating months, his foot “heals.” But it was never set properly, so it heals all wonky. It gives him trouble for years. Life never really gets back to normal. Tommy sees his buddy Johnny fully healed, living his best life. Tommy feels ashamed and frustrated, wondering why Johnny is just naturally better at recovering from broken bones.
The moral of the story
A broken bone is always going to suck.
But there’s a world of difference between a properly treated broken bone and an untreated broken bone.
We see a lot of Tommy’s in our line of work. A lot of really amazing, dedicated puppy parents suffering unnecessarily with their metaphorical untreated broken bones.
And I think it’s my fault sometimes.
See, Erin and I are both really sick of all the fearmongering and guilt-tripping in the dog world. All the “do this right or you’re DOOMED,” “one wrong move will ruin your puppy FOREVER.” “There are no bad dogs, just BAD OWNERS.”
Like, really? Enough of this madness. In an effort to not be THAT, we have sometimes swung too far in the opposite direction. Being too reassuring in a way that isn’t helpful.
We get messages like this:
“Thank you so much for making me feel so seen! Raising this puppy is the absolute worst experience of my life – I haven’t slept in weeks, he’s terrorizing my kids and my other pets and growling when I correct him but thanks to you, I have hope that everything will be fine if I just stick it out.”
I have such mixed feelings when I read these messages. On one hand, I’m glad they feel less alone! They should. These emails mean a lot to us, truly.
On the other hand, I feel like I’m watching them hobble into the sunset on their broken leg because they think constant misery is just how puppy-raising is supposed to be.
This is not how it’s supposed to be.
Sometimes, I’m learning, the most compassionate approach is the direct approach. So here you go:
Yes, your feelings are normal. No, we’re not judging you for any of it – not even the moments when you hate the puppy and wish they would disappear. We understand. There’s nothing wrong with you.
And I can almost guarantee you’re on the wrong track.
When “giving it time” helps and when it doesn’t: a tale of two WTFWITs
To give you a better idea of what I mean, let me tell you about two WTFWIT experiences from my own life.
Friday
You may have seen me talk about my first puppy, Friday, before. She shows up a lot in our free WTFWIT content.
Like most new puppy parents, I dealt with the mental stuff:
The “I just want my life back” thoughts, the shock of how disruptive it all was.
But the biggest source of my distress was her behavior itself, and the fact that I could not find effective solutions for any of it. (Red flag number one)
The biting, crying in the crate, crying at night, destructive chewing, jumping all over people…
Nothing I tried made a difference.
Everything with Friday felt like pushing a boulder uphill. (Red flag number two)
Every training session was a mess. She was distracted, completely uninterested.
Even “fun” activities like walks and playing were a nightmare. Lots of me trying to lead her, convince her, coax her into walking with me or playing with a toy. The more I tried, the more she tuned me out.
I really thought she hated me sometimes. (Red flag number three)
I gave it time, but I shouldn’t have. Friday and I struggled our way through puppyhood. She outgrew the biting phase, she started sleeping through the night. She grew up. We had many adventures and I loved her a lot.
But the damage was done.
I made a lot of mistakes with my DIY, trial-and-error approach. Not to be dramatic or anything, but those mistakes shaped Friday. She grew up anxious and reactive. It took YEARS to repair the frustration, resentment, and lack of trust. Years to build the kind of connection we could have had from the beginning if I’d known what I was doing.
River
A lifetime later, I adopted River. Objectively, she was a much more challenging case than Friday was.
Friday was your average happy-go-lucky little monster, see. River was an under-socialized, fearful, sensitive rescue Belgian Malinois. Even though I was a professional dog trainer by then, she still put me through my paces. I still ended up with a bad case of WTFWIT.
There was the exhaustion, of course. I was physically wrecked from trying to keep up with this incredibly high-energy landshark. I was emotionally and mentally fried from doing everything I could to address her fear issues.
There was a stretch of a few weeks when my mental health was pretty bad. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel the warm and fuzzies for River. Mostly, I felt numb.
It was really hard. But the distress was nothing like it was with Friday.
Three key differences:
1. Aside from a few self-pitying “I’m not good enough for this dog” moments that I didn’t really mean, I never seriously thought I had a problem. I didn’t fall into a doom spiral about puppy stuff like biting, crying, jumping, separation distress, or her being annoying towards my other dog or cat.
2. I did actually worked. My behavior modification plans worked. When we trained, we made progress.
3. Even in the darkest days of my depression, I could tell we were becoming a team. River trusted me and looked to me for guidance. She saw me as her safe place. The person who made the big scary world make sense.
We gave it time. And everything got better.
When you should give it time
If your distress is mostly about the physical exhaustion, the loss of freedom, and the disruption to your life.
And you can see your puppy improving little by little (even with the occasional bad day or regression). Settling in, sleeping better, responding to your training efforts. And your training approach feels like it’s turning you and your pup into a team instead of making you both resent each other.
In that case, you’re probably on the right track. Nice work! This is the kind of situation where giving it time actually helps.
When you should NOT give it time
If you feel angry and depleted ALL the time. If you feel like your puppy doesn’t like you or trust you.
If your distress is centered around their behavior itself. Or if you’ve hit the end of your rope and treated your puppy harshly, or have been tempted to.
Time alone isn’t going to fix that, my friend.
But look on the bright side: this isn’t “just how raising a puppy is.” It can get better
You just have to get on the right track. Which, fortunately, almost never requires some huge overhaul of your life. It doesn’t require dragging your puppy to obedience class every week or shipping them off to some expensive boot camp (please don’t do that, actually).
Most of the time, it’s about a few small but critical adjustments. You would not believe how often a new student arrives in our program, convinced their situation is beyond hope, or that their puppy is “a lot,” or that this is just how it’s going to be for months.
Then we have them make a few small changes, and their relief is immediate.
To get yourself on the right track, you need:
SLEEP, for one thing. Which means a better strategy than the one you’re using. It shouldn’t take weeks to see improvement here.
Community. The WTFWIT phase plus isolation is a brutal combination. You need to talk to (or at least listen to) other puppy parents who know exactly what you’re going through.
And respectfully, you probably need to stop DIYing this.
Because…
Here I go again, practicing my compassionate-but-direct skills
If you’re experiencing serious distress over these puppy behaviors:
- Biting/mouthing
- Crying in the crate
- Crying when left alone
- Not sleeping at night
- Biting and jumping all over your kids
- Harassing your other pets
- House training drama
- Not listening
- Not walking properly on leash
- Destructive chewing
You are suffering unnecessarily. There’s no reason these things should be this bad.
I get it, though. It can be tricky to navigate on your own. A lot of puppy owners struggle with these things. I certainly did with my first puppy.
And I mean look, I’m not a plumber. If my sink starts backing up and water starts leaking out of places it shouldn’t, I’m gonna struggle. I might try all the tips I see online. I might make it worse. I might convince myself this is just my life now.
Meanwhile, a professional plumber could walk in, take one look, and fix it in ten minutes.
You see where I’m going with this.
Those puppy problems that are making your life miserable? To any dog trainer worth their salt, all of that is easy, foundational stuff that they can handle in their sleep.
I know it feels like no one can help. But that’s just the sleep deprivation talking. There are dog trainers like us who have dedicated their careers to finding better solutions to the problems you’re experiencing.
Biting doesn’t have to feel relentless.
You don’t need to be up all night with a screaming puppy for days on end.
Potty training shouldn’t drive you insane.
Crate training shouldn’t cause an existential crisis.
Walks shouldn’t make you hate your life.
Etc.
You wouldn’t judge yourself for not knowing how to fix your own car’s engine, right?
Or cut your own hair? Repair your own computer? Be your own marriage counselor? Set your own broken bone?
So why are you judging yourself for not being a professional dog trainer?
We can help, if you want. This is why we built Puppy Survival School. But we’re certainly not your only option. No matter what, I hope you’ll get help somewhere.
Because you deserve better than to keep hobbling around on your metaphorical broken foot. You (and your puppy) deserve to enjoy this experience, not just survive it.
